Friday, December 11, 2009

Confrontationand contemplation

So today, as I was washing my hands I looked at myself in the mirror (which I don't do often), and I caught a glimpse of the person I think I am when I have the rose colored glasses on. The only thing is that those glasses are not with in reach, so the fog is starting to lift and the ugliness is beginning to fade.

I feel as if, over the last couple weeks, I have been trying to make my way through a darkened maze. I was following a light that I saw as my salvation. A couple days ago, I thought that light had been extinguished by my stupidity and recklessness. But did it really dissapear? Or did it just turn a corner, and I have to follow it? Either way the fight carries on, with no promise that pain will not return. The only promise that needs to be kept now is my promise to be true to myself, move from the fantasy that I thought could become reality and move onto true reality. I need to focus on what is here, and tangible. If that fantasy comes back to tempt me with sweet nothing, I will have to resist, until it presents itself as reality.

I will not give into the hopelessness of the pit in which I have fallen! This pain is temporary and the only way to go from here is up.

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